Staying Home With My Children: Reflections on my Childcare Choices

The best part about our trip to the Northwest, what I now miss the most, was having my parents and grandparents around to watch the baby! It seems awful to say, but it was so nice to get away from him.

One day I went to acupuncture and then, just for the hell of it, I stopped by the mall. I was browsing in the Japanese dollar store for almost 45 minutes, just walking around and poking at things. I even went to the ballet and truly enjoyed it, instead of spending 3 hours obsessing about whether or not my kid was okay.

Mr A and I went to see a movie on my birthday. We walked the streets of downtown hand-in-hand and saw a movie at 5 in the afternoon. Even though I love spending our time together as a family, experiencing the joys of parenthood and what-not, being alone was unexpectedly amazing! It was a time to be focused on each other instead of being mutually focused on Ikaika.

These simple pleasures are almost unknown to my current self. My husband and I made a conscious decision to be with our children. We both agreed that it's the way we grew up and it's what we want for our own family. But, I have to admit, sometimes it gets overwhelming. Sometimes it seems like we will always be on their time. Sometimes I wish like hell that we had some family here with us in Hawaii so we could regularly free ourselves from being "mom and dad".

Sooner than I care to believe our boys will be grown and they won't want to spend all day with us. Or even half the day. Soon enough I will be longing for the days we spent together as a family. I will be yearning for my children and they will be anywhere but here. And this is probably what makes me believe that our neurotic approach to childcare is worth what we are sacrificing for it.

Even so, you can't even begin to imagine how much I am looking forward to my sister visiting in September!

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