Hormones. We all have 'em. We are told that pregnant woman have more than most.
But, then again, we are also told that pregnant woman will vomit on sight of fish and that they will eat a gallon of ice cream with taco bell on top at midnight. Neither of which I have done (so far).
So, when I get all crabby and irritable and pissy and moody, I have to wonder, 'is it me? or the hormones?'
I have always been a crabby, irritable, pissy, moody person to some extent. Although, Id like to think that as maturity has finally begun to set it I have become slightly more rational. I get depressed and have "suffered from depression" in the past (lest we all forget the dark ages of college, middle school and some choice months here and there in between). But in the last few years Ive been feeling good. In fact Ive been feeling downright awesome 90% of the time. And the other 10% Im usually able to get over it without issue. This, of course, is contingent on certain conditions, such as sobriety...
Anyhow - on with the story. Sunday was day-from-hell. I'm not going to get into it in this post - but Friday night I missed my surprise baby shower (much to my surprise) so I was devestated about that for starters. I was also tired, which didnt help.
Mr As youngest youngster was over at our house and, even though I had spent the entire morning moping around in my pajamas, I indulged her in both shrinky dink and melty bead fun. Then I guess I hit a wall or something because suddenly I just did not want to be around small children. Maybe its because I spend all week working with small children of the exact same age demographic doing the exact same projects and dealing with mostly the exact same issues. Or maybe I was just having a tough morning. But, either way, I was going to pull my hair out - she was driving me bananas with her incessant questions and her demands of indepenence. Sorry kid but you are too young to use a hot iron without assistance! So I retreated to my "craft lair" (the babys room with the comfortable gliding chair) and started crochetting (yep, I took that up again because now I have to catch up on shower gifts). Still, this girl would not leave me alone! Try as Mr A might to get her attention on other fun things, like washing the dog or playing with nunchucks in the living room, she just kept coming in and asking what I was doing, if she could do it too, etc.
Now, under normal circumstances I would think this is cute and be all excited about winning the house-wide popularity contest. Which is why, in retrospect, I am shocked by how irritated I was getting. Grr. Leave me alone kid!
Well, I survived. We ate lunch and she was returned to the custodial parent. But this wasnt the end of my agony. Compounded with the guilt I felt for not being grateful of Mini As innocent curiosity about myself and my child-magnetism, was the general doldrums of the entire morning. I unloaded myself on the couch and commensed with the pity party.
As I sat there whining and crying about my baby shower that would never be and how small children get on my nerves, I started to wonder, 'is this hormones? Why am I still sitting on this couch?'
There was a moment when the conversation looked like this:
Crazy Pregnant Lady: You dont understand, she is so needy! She was like unable to entertain herself and she was wanting to do everything. No patience. Kids have no patience. Ugg! Why doesnt anyone understand?
Mr A: I'm going to play volleyball in the park. Want to come with? We can ride bikes.
CPL: OH MY GOD DONT LEAVE ME! (crying) You dont understand. I need you to listen to my feelings! WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE ME IN THIS STATE?!
Mr A: Are you feeling needy right now?
CPL: (sobbing) I AM PREGNANT! Boo hoo hoo...
And that is the moment, folks, where I realized how utterly ridiculous I am. The irony of Mr As question did not escape me for a second.
So after a long, drawn out ordeal, I finally pulled myself off the couch. I think the straw that broke the camels back was the point where I started to think about how pathetic I was 10+ years ago and thats why no one wants to be my friend right now, etc... At that point I was like 'woah, dude. get off the couch and go on the stupid bike ride. you will thank yourself later'.
So I did. And I did.
Moral of the story is I dont know if its being pregnant and hormonal or if its just being myself, but Sunday totally sucked.