When I was a child and we were stuck in some kind of stalemate, my parents would say "you'll understand someday when you have children." I approve of this tactic and will use it liberally with my own child/ren.
That being said, when an adult (most often a woman) uses it with another adult (most often me), this is not only highly offensive but also extremely annoying. Its mind boggling to me how these people seem to be under the impression that squirting out a kid, no matter the conditions, puts them in some sort of a position where they dont have to come up with any sort of reasonable or rational explanation for their behavior!
Im sure that having a kid is a life changing experience. Im not arguing that point. But going to college is a life changing experience and Im not running around, waving my degree in other peoples faces, telling them that they might understand why I feel self righteous about this that or the other thing if only they would graduate from college someday. Because people who say things like that are total morons with, ironically, very little perspective.
There is also the equally annoying but possibly more contemptuous "you cant understand because you dont have children." That one pisses me off just typing it.
I hope that having children is the ne plus ultra of my life. I hope that I give and gain and all that junk. I sincerely hope that I learn more from being a mother than from anything else I do in my life. But, even with all that in mind, I really dont want to start being "that lady" who pushes my agenda onto other people and treats them as if they are somehow incapable of relating to me as a human being just because they dont have kids.
I am so different from 10... 5... 2 years ago! I dont know what Im going to be like in the future. But I do know that Im pretty darn sure I dont want to end up as "that lady". So Im writing this down as a testament to my pre-child mindset (which I would argue is quite clear and probably less biased than my mindset after I give birth to the most wonderful and perfect child in the history of all mankind) and I am telling you, my friends and family, that if you EVER catch me uttering these ridiculous phrases instead of giving logic (or at least BS) the ole college try, you have my permission to punch me in the face.
15.8.08
Whos the Catcher?
So I asked Mr A the other day if he wanted to catch the baby. It seems like one of those things that you should discuss before the actual event - although it also seems like one of those things that if it happens, it happens. Like a "birth plan" - sounds good in theory but who knows.
Anyone who knows my ipo knows that he is Mr Confidence. He has, on multiple occasions, concluded that he has the expertise to fix various ailments including, but not limited to, an ear infection and a broken toe. He is also (what I would describe as) highly protective and has expressed apprehension about letting others care for the baby. Its reasonable for me to conclude that delivering a baby is something he would not only feel capable of doing but would take enormous pride in.
He looked at me with this weird expression/furrowed brow and said "uh...I dunno. Im afraid Id drop him."
WHAT?!
They hand you the baby like two seconds after its born anyway! Its not even like this is your first newborn baby experience! You can catch a football flying through the air 60 yards away and you cant catch a baby on its way out of the birth canal?!
He sort of shrugged and said he would probably be crying, his hands would be shaking, etc.
He also commented that he is "tough on the outside but soft on the inside" - which was so damn cute that I just let the whole thing go!
Guess we will just have to wait and see whose arms this child will fall into.
Anyone who knows my ipo knows that he is Mr Confidence. He has, on multiple occasions, concluded that he has the expertise to fix various ailments including, but not limited to, an ear infection and a broken toe. He is also (what I would describe as) highly protective and has expressed apprehension about letting others care for the baby. Its reasonable for me to conclude that delivering a baby is something he would not only feel capable of doing but would take enormous pride in.
He looked at me with this weird expression/furrowed brow and said "uh...I dunno. Im afraid Id drop him."
WHAT?!
They hand you the baby like two seconds after its born anyway! Its not even like this is your first newborn baby experience! You can catch a football flying through the air 60 yards away and you cant catch a baby on its way out of the birth canal?!
He sort of shrugged and said he would probably be crying, his hands would be shaking, etc.
He also commented that he is "tough on the outside but soft on the inside" - which was so damn cute that I just let the whole thing go!
Guess we will just have to wait and see whose arms this child will fall into.
13.8.08
The Long Weight
In the first 7 months of my pregnancy I was totally obsessed with weight.
"Am I gaining too much? Am I gaining enough? Am I gaining it in the right places? Am I eating enough food? Am I eating the right kind of food? How much more can I gain now so that later I wont be a walrus? etc."
I must have read What to Eat When You Are Expecting cover to cover at least a dozen times.
Every single appointment with my midwives, when they would ask if I have any questions or concerns, guess what we talked about? Ding Ding. WEIGHT!
And no amount of reassurance could get my mind off this. I knew I was being nutty but I could not stop thinking about it.
It didnt even really affect my food choices. I still ate bubble tea and ice cream - I just suffered from constantly thinking about it before, during, and afterwards.
The worst part of all this is that I have never, ever, in my whole life been someone who thinks about weight. I have never been a calorie counter. I have never been on a serious diet. I have always thought about weight in the same nacissistic, casual way that most young women around the world do.
So imagine my surprise when pregnancy suddenly turns me into this scale-watching monster!
I was certain that this entire blog, up to the point of delivery, would be nothing but obsessive rantings about weight control.
Then, quite suddenly, I completely stopped thinking about it. I havent picked up WTEWYAE in weeks, except to check a recipe for oatmeal. I weigh myself at the gym once a week, but thats only because the scale is next to the shower. I still eat bubble tea and ice cream, except now I enjoy it. Imagine that!
I have no idea if I would have gained more or less weight had I not spent the first 7 months constantly thinking about it. All I know is that I am about fifteen billion times happier just eating (always striving to cut corners and eat a little healthier) and letting the body do what the body is going to do.
The real test, of course, is going to be the condition of my body after baby. Right now, Im banking on being pleasantly surprised!
***BONUS***
Ive learned a lot about nutrition from this adventure and I wont share all my insights here. But one of my favorite little cheats is rice or soy ice cream. Because we eat ice cream so infrequently, Mr A and I always buy the little pints and eat most of it in one night. (This tip wont work if you eat ice cream every day) I have discovered that soy and rice ice cream are just as delicious with a wide variety of yummy flavors - but the calorie, sugar, and fat content per serving are usually half or less of Haggen-Daaz or Ben & Jerrys. Which, of course, means that you can eat twice as much as you were planning on eating in the first place! Viva l'indulgence!
"Am I gaining too much? Am I gaining enough? Am I gaining it in the right places? Am I eating enough food? Am I eating the right kind of food? How much more can I gain now so that later I wont be a walrus? etc."
I must have read What to Eat When You Are Expecting cover to cover at least a dozen times.
Every single appointment with my midwives, when they would ask if I have any questions or concerns, guess what we talked about? Ding Ding. WEIGHT!
And no amount of reassurance could get my mind off this. I knew I was being nutty but I could not stop thinking about it.
It didnt even really affect my food choices. I still ate bubble tea and ice cream - I just suffered from constantly thinking about it before, during, and afterwards.
The worst part of all this is that I have never, ever, in my whole life been someone who thinks about weight. I have never been a calorie counter. I have never been on a serious diet. I have always thought about weight in the same nacissistic, casual way that most young women around the world do.
So imagine my surprise when pregnancy suddenly turns me into this scale-watching monster!
I was certain that this entire blog, up to the point of delivery, would be nothing but obsessive rantings about weight control.
Then, quite suddenly, I completely stopped thinking about it. I havent picked up WTEWYAE in weeks, except to check a recipe for oatmeal. I weigh myself at the gym once a week, but thats only because the scale is next to the shower. I still eat bubble tea and ice cream, except now I enjoy it. Imagine that!
I have no idea if I would have gained more or less weight had I not spent the first 7 months constantly thinking about it. All I know is that I am about fifteen billion times happier just eating (always striving to cut corners and eat a little healthier) and letting the body do what the body is going to do.
The real test, of course, is going to be the condition of my body after baby. Right now, Im banking on being pleasantly surprised!
***BONUS***
Ive learned a lot about nutrition from this adventure and I wont share all my insights here. But one of my favorite little cheats is rice or soy ice cream. Because we eat ice cream so infrequently, Mr A and I always buy the little pints and eat most of it in one night. (This tip wont work if you eat ice cream every day) I have discovered that soy and rice ice cream are just as delicious with a wide variety of yummy flavors - but the calorie, sugar, and fat content per serving are usually half or less of Haggen-Daaz or Ben & Jerrys. Which, of course, means that you can eat twice as much as you were planning on eating in the first place! Viva l'indulgence!
10.8.08
Seaside 08
We headed down on Friday with the dog in tow - Mr A and his partner Dave (alias: Big Daddy, The Big Unit) were all set to play two days of beach volleyball. We camped at a really cool RV park/campground that was dirt cheap and discovered that we own a double decker air mattress!
It was such an exciting moment! Curt & Dave have been playing together at Seaside for years and have taken second, third and a multitude of other placements that fall just short of an actual title. I am so proud!
Right after they finished playing the weather mysteriously cleared up. We spent the rest of the evening with our new friends, The Yamamotos from the Big Island, watching the open finals and eating an amazing clam dinner.
MOST IMPORTANTLY:
We are very excited to be able to tell our son that the year he was born was the year Daddy won Seaside!
soooooo tired
The weather was autrocious at best. On Friday I spent half the day shivering and coughing (Ive had a cold all this week - great timing) under about 6 layers of clothes and a blanket covered in sand. Mr A spent half the day in the first aid tent getting TENS on his knees and bathing in Bio-Freeze.
Saturday, after a looooong sleep, we felt much better but the weather just didnt want to cooperate. It was raining full blast for awhile and then turned into the worst windstorm in Seaside VB history! Sand was blowing everywhere, into everyones eyes and lungs. I should explain now that my pathetic pictures can be blamed on this since I couldnt risk exposing my digital camera to the elements and, god forbid, have something happen to it right before the baby is due.
Well, as you might guess, experience became the deciding factor during tournament play. You cant practice for these kinds of conditions. So Mr A & Dave were at a strong advantage from the start, being that they are true Seaside veterans and all around studly athletes to boot! They spent all day in the winners bracket and then suffered a devestating loss. Sparing no drama, they came back to defeat the team who had dropped them, not once, but TWICE!Seaside Volleyball 2008 Masters Champions: "Hana Hou"!
It was such an exciting moment! Curt & Dave have been playing together at Seaside for years and have taken second, third and a multitude of other placements that fall just short of an actual title. I am so proud!
Right after they finished playing the weather mysteriously cleared up. We spent the rest of the evening with our new friends, The Yamamotos from the Big Island, watching the open finals and eating an amazing clam dinner.
(Not the Yamamotos but just as friendly - Gina & Marty)
MOST IMPORTANTLY:
We are very excited to be able to tell our son that the year he was born was the year Daddy won Seaside!
5.8.08
How Small is SO Small?
I have heard "you are so small!" or some variation of it almost as much as Ive heard "so when are you due?"
What is it with these people?
Just because I may look small (or maybe I dont even look all that small but people are just trying to be polite/cheer me up/say something that sounds nice) does NOT mean that this baby is any smaller than other babies. I sometimes feel that people are implying that I dont feed myself well enough (trust me - I do). Its almost like they are trying to curb any sort of complaints I have by making me feel all fortunate to be "so tiny".
Well, it aint working.
For starters, at my last appointment my midwife informed me that the belly is perfectly on-track in measurement. So much for so tiny!
Secondly, this child is not only big enough to fill my entire body cavity at this point, but he is mighty strong. I am just over seven months now and I honestly dont know if my ribs can take 2 or more months of him growing! He is most definitely not small or tiny in my opinion. He is a baby-sized baby and hes kicking the crap out of my guts every day and night! Throw in a uterus that is CONSTANTLY contracting* and you have one exhausted midsection at the end of the day!
And, while we are on the topic, lugging around 30 extra pounds isnt exactly a cake walk. I may not be immobile, but I am constantly adjusting to keep up with my new body (and it seems I get a "new body" on a daily basis). I really truly wonder what other pregnant women went through/are going through and what made it feel so much more horrible because I dont really feel like this being "so small" stuff is easy peasy but they seem to be under the impression that it is.
Even though I am fortunate and feel very blessed for having a rather uneventful pregnancy thus far...well, actually, I guess thats it.
Hmm, that wasnt exactly the way I thought this post was going to end. Gotta just accept the good stuff when it comes, right?
*I read the other day somewhere that this woman used to think of her Brackston-Hicks contractions as her uterus' way of "warming up for the big event". I must say that, as an athlete, I appreciated that reference and found it very easy to imagine my own uterus participating in its own sort of "scrimmage".
Haha ~ now that I re-read this post I realized the weather today may have contributed to my whinning and complaining. It was like 96 degrees today in the shade and I can barely breathe in my house at night (we dont have AC or a fan). My feet are swollen and I think one of the kids at the preschool gave me their germs.
What is it with these people?
Just because I may look small (or maybe I dont even look all that small but people are just trying to be polite/cheer me up/say something that sounds nice) does NOT mean that this baby is any smaller than other babies. I sometimes feel that people are implying that I dont feed myself well enough (trust me - I do). Its almost like they are trying to curb any sort of complaints I have by making me feel all fortunate to be "so tiny".
Well, it aint working.
For starters, at my last appointment my midwife informed me that the belly is perfectly on-track in measurement. So much for so tiny!
Secondly, this child is not only big enough to fill my entire body cavity at this point, but he is mighty strong. I am just over seven months now and I honestly dont know if my ribs can take 2 or more months of him growing! He is most definitely not small or tiny in my opinion. He is a baby-sized baby and hes kicking the crap out of my guts every day and night! Throw in a uterus that is CONSTANTLY contracting* and you have one exhausted midsection at the end of the day!
And, while we are on the topic, lugging around 30 extra pounds isnt exactly a cake walk. I may not be immobile, but I am constantly adjusting to keep up with my new body (and it seems I get a "new body" on a daily basis). I really truly wonder what other pregnant women went through/are going through and what made it feel so much more horrible because I dont really feel like this being "so small" stuff is easy peasy but they seem to be under the impression that it is.
Even though I am fortunate and feel very blessed for having a rather uneventful pregnancy thus far...well, actually, I guess thats it.
Hmm, that wasnt exactly the way I thought this post was going to end. Gotta just accept the good stuff when it comes, right?
*I read the other day somewhere that this woman used to think of her Brackston-Hicks contractions as her uterus' way of "warming up for the big event". I must say that, as an athlete, I appreciated that reference and found it very easy to imagine my own uterus participating in its own sort of "scrimmage".
Haha ~ now that I re-read this post I realized the weather today may have contributed to my whinning and complaining. It was like 96 degrees today in the shade and I can barely breathe in my house at night (we dont have AC or a fan). My feet are swollen and I think one of the kids at the preschool gave me their germs.
1.8.08
Hawai'i Aloha
E Hawai`i, e ku`u one hanau e
Ku`u home kulaiwi nei
`Oli no au i na pono lani e
E Hawai`i, aloha e
(O Hawaii, O sands of my birth
My native home
I rejoice in the blessings of heaven
O Hawaii, aloha)
Hui Chorus:
E hau`oli na `opio o Hawai`i nei
`Oli e! `Oli e!
Mai na aheahe makani e pa mai nei
Mau ke aloha, no Hawai`i
(Happy youth of Hawaii
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Gentle breezes blow
Love always for Hawaii)
Ku`u home kulaiwi nei
`Oli no au i na pono lani e
E Hawai`i, aloha e
(O Hawaii, O sands of my birth
My native home
I rejoice in the blessings of heaven
O Hawaii, aloha)
Hui Chorus:
E hau`oli na `opio o Hawai`i nei
`Oli e! `Oli e!
Mai na aheahe makani e pa mai nei
Mau ke aloha, no Hawai`i
(Happy youth of Hawaii
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Gentle breezes blow
Love always for Hawaii)
...but I already bought the cow!
One of the first things my mother-in-law said to me when she found out about the baby:
"I hope you are the last person Dino has children with."
(feel free to laugh - I did)
You would probably have to know my mother-in-law to believe me when I say that she didnt mean anything - rude or otherwise. She wasnt necessarily calling me "Baby Mama #3" (I admit I sometimes feel self conscious that people are thinking about me in that way). She was just telling me how she honestly feels and, frankly, I agree with her sentiments so it would be hard for me to take it personal.
The other day I was thinking about how I will never have a family like the one I grew up in. We are never going to be the kind of cohesive unit that The Stranskys have always been; the "Us vs The World" attitude that brought me so much security when I was growing up. Theres always going to be an element of sharing. Maybe it will be easier for my kids to accept than it has been for me. If thats all they ever know, why would it even seem strange to them? After all, arent blended families the norm now?
[message truncated due to temporary insanity]
"I hope you are the last person Dino has children with."
(feel free to laugh - I did)
You would probably have to know my mother-in-law to believe me when I say that she didnt mean anything - rude or otherwise. She wasnt necessarily calling me "Baby Mama #3" (I admit I sometimes feel self conscious that people are thinking about me in that way). She was just telling me how she honestly feels and, frankly, I agree with her sentiments so it would be hard for me to take it personal.
The other day I was thinking about how I will never have a family like the one I grew up in. We are never going to be the kind of cohesive unit that The Stranskys have always been; the "Us vs The World" attitude that brought me so much security when I was growing up. Theres always going to be an element of sharing. Maybe it will be easier for my kids to accept than it has been for me. If thats all they ever know, why would it even seem strange to them? After all, arent blended families the norm now?
[message truncated due to temporary insanity]
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